For people who know nothing about wine.
Bright. Buttery. Earthy. Complex—these are adjectives you’ve likely heard someone throw around about wine. Oh, and let’s not forget the ever-popular, “food friendly” that almost every bartender tosses into the convo just for good measure. And certainly, there are many professionals and wine-lovers who know what they’re talking about when they’re describing wine…and then there’s the rest of us. So, if you’re one of the many who can’t seem to find the words to describe the wine you like, I figured I might as well make up some of my own to just throw out there and see what happens. Use without caution:
#1. Burly
As in, “this red is feeling really burly to me.” IDK just try it.
#2. Fuzzy
Walk up to the wine shop like, “What up, I’m looking for a dry, fuzzy white.”
Charles & Charles Cabernet Sauvignon & Syrah
#3. Debt-Free
Because imagine a wine that tasted as good as paying off your student loans (probably) feels!? “Mmm, okay yes this 2008 tastes very debt-free.”
#4. Sketchy
If you like your wines like you like your exes.
#5. Lit
Describing wine already can already start to feel douchey so you might as well go full hog and throw a current popular slang into the mix. Just go for it, guys.
#6. Regret
“I’m getting hints of oak, and…regret?” Like this wine is so good you could drink 3 bottles by yourself Saturday night and then not stomach being in the same room with it for a month.
#7. Coy
This is another one that will probably trick people into thinking you’re either a pro or drunk (or BOTH!). “I love the first one because it’s tasting really coy.”
P.S. There’s a good chance that some of these that I made up are actually adjectives some sommeliers use, so let’s call that a win/win. Cheers!
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