If Chicago Neighborhoods Were Men…

Welcome to your heterosexual, biased, dating-by-neighborhood guide. AKA ‘how to stereotype a guy based on the hood he lives in.’ Don’t look at me like that, you know you already do it.

West Lakeview

West Lakeview dude probably has a dog. He likes that he lives off the beaten path a bit, and he hangs out regularly in the Southport Corridor (what I like to affectionately call SoPoCoDo). He will probably take you to Tango Sur for your first date, and he is a down to earth, not-flashy kinda dude. Probably from Michigan, definitely into craft beer.


Run. Just run away now. Unless bros and baseball makes you hott. This boy still displays all of his empty liquor bottles above his cabinets and the only time he washes his sheets is when he goes home for holidays.

Wicker Park/Bucktown

This hipster dude never met a trend he didn’t like. He for SURE owns a record player that he will try and woo you with, he has a stack of Kinfolk magazines that double as a nightstand, and he will offer you an expensive whiskey with one of those huge ice cubes. Spend the night at your own risk because in the morning he’s going to try and make you a pour over coffee and it. Will. take. FOREVER.

Logan Square

If you thought the Wicker guy was a hipster, if you date Logan Square man you’ll realize you were dealing with a total indie amateur before. The Logan guy probably lives with a few other artists and is working on his craft at night while toiling at some sort of odd job during the day. But he will be a very great conversationalist.

West Loop

West Loop guy just bought a loft and used to call himself a ‘foodie’ before he realized it was lame. He uses pomade. He belongs to Soho House, drinks gin, and never has to wait at Au Cheval. He will out-dress you and if you’re not careful he’ll try ordering for you as well.

River North

The River North man is just a Wrigleyville boy who got a few promotions at work and hasn’t settled down yet. He still rolls with his boys, they just all wear a little more cologne and buy a little nicer cocktails. (Currently he’s pretending he likes mezcal.)

South Loop

This guy is nice. He likely bought a place because he knows it’s an up and coming spot. He works downtown and keeps his plants alive. Date him.

I obviously didn’t cover every hood, and please know that I write this out of love and frankly I am single enough to date almost anyone in any neighborhood. (Except Wrigley or River North. I’ll never be that single.)

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