The holidays are a time for being with family. And for some, “being with family” means getting trapped in tight spaces with the people who can bug you the most.
But don’t get it twisted. Just because your sister is an idiot who doesn’t know anything about you, yet insists on psychoanalyzing you at dinner, doesn’t mean you don’t love her.
It just means that having access to a quick drink would make these festivities a little more, well, festive.
Below are five flasks that are perfect for dealing with your family during the jolliest time of the year. Because if you have to be in a holiday spirit, you might as well make it a peppermint liqueur.
If the party starts early, this clever Cold Brew flask is the perfect disguise. Nobody is going to question the person just trying to caffeinate. In fact, your family will probably push you to drink more after they see you perking up.
“Wow, Uncle Doug’s mood has really improved since this morning—must’ve been that swig of cold brew!”
He Sees You When You're Drinking
Will take a drink and then stare at Santa’s smiling face feel a little wrong? Sure. But when’s the last time you were on the nice list?
Plus, this flask has the added bonus of looking a lot like wrapping paper. Find a present draped in the same print, and you could hide his rosy red cheeks in plain sight.
The Best Part of Thanksgiving is the Football
There are lots of things to critique about the NFL, but their tradition of broadcasting football games throughout Thanksgiving Day is not one. Plopping down in front of the TV for hours before and after a giant meal sounds like a holiday to me.
Still, your family may find it suspect that you’ve become a football fanatic all of a sudden. And because they love you or whatever, they might even ask if you want to toss the old pigskin around before dinner. That’s where this sleek Football Flask comes in.
Every time Mom misses a pointblank throw, retrieve the ball and take a drink. When she notices your throws are getting wobbly, just tell her you’re nervous about the big game and that you really should be getting back to it.
The Cousins Tradition
“The cousins and I are going to take a walk before dinner.” It’s an age-old phrase that’s been utilized at countless family get-togethers. Of course, this walk has historically just been an excuse to smoke pot in the woods before everyone stuffs their faces with mashed potatoes.
But now that you and your cousins are older, the whole sneaking-off-to-get-high thing may feel a little juvenile.
Then again, tradition is important, so we suggest giving this one a slight twist: Ditch the weed for some whiskey in this flask beautifully designed for the ritual.
For the Scrooge in You
This Bah Humbug flask is perfect for the 75-year-old man in you who just wants to sit in his chair and count his money all day.
Get cozy under a blanket, take a drink, and don’t worry if you hear chains rattling on the floor. Tell the Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, and Future that you are a Scrooge, have always been a Scrooge, and will always be a Scrooge.