Put down the personalized tie. Step away from the cologne. Your Dad has put up with a lot of crap from you. Remember that time you broke down on the 101 and he came to get you because you had cancelled your AAA membership in leu of the new iPhone 6 plus. Or when he never said a bad thing about your girlfriend with the neck tattoo when you know your mom never shut up. It’s time to makeup for the years of macaroni art and bad ties.
Here’s some help to get your Dad really wants:
1. If your Dad loves the great outdoors….
He’s a dad’s dad. He might wear socks with sandals around the house and own at least 3 shirts with an American flag or hunting logo on them. Buy this man a Yeti cooler and fill it with the ultimate American beer: Budweiser.
2. If your Dad loves to cook…
He watches Top Chef religiously and asked to go to Vegas for his 65th birthday, but only so he could go to Giada’s restaurant. You’ll also hear him complain about Whole Foods’ lack of selection. The most versatile style of wine to cook with is a dry, crisp white wine. So order a bottle of Kendall Jackson Reserve Sauvignon Blanc and buy him that outrageous kitchen tool he won’t splurge on for himself. Chances are, you’ll have to go to Williams Sonoma and ask for help, unless he’s put it on his holiday wish list for the last 4 years.
3. If your Dad is a simple man with simple pleasures…
Your dad reads the paper. He loves sitting in his study, but no one knows what he’s doing in there. Maybe investing in the stock market, maybe playing Angry Birds. Sometimes he golfs, but you never hear much about it. He’s basically a low-key James Bond. Buy him a simple set of glasses, a round bar tray, and pair it with some Knob Creek Bourbon and Glenlevit Single Malt, 15 year. Now you know at least one thing he is doing in his study.
4. If your Dad really wants to be hip…
When you come to visit he talks about the latest ventures happening in Silicon Valley. He has opinions on Lil Wayne’s latest album before you even got a chance to open Spotify. But as cool as he is, he’s still a Dad which means he isn’t likely to spend money on things that vary from his idea of “practical”. That’s why you’re getting him a bottle of Dom Perignon. He will be so thrilled, even if he acts stunned, and probably tweet about being on his “Champaign Campaign” later.
5. If your Dad makes a mean cocktail…
Send him a bottle of Tito’s and plan a day to come over so he can teach you how he makes his martinis so. damn. good. You’ll learn a valuable skill and your Dad will mostly be excited to spend some time teaching you.
6. If your Dad parties harder than you do…
Your Dad’s retirement makes your college glory days look like preschool. Half the time you call him he’s climbing a mountain in another country or too busy to pick up because him and the other neighborhood couples are in the hot tub. His life right now is the only reason you are excited to pay into your retirement fund every month. The only answer for this man is a handle of tequila. Get him our Fiesta in a Glass set. Sure, he will finish it in one night, but you’ll know he was thinking of you….before he blacked out.
7. If you haven’t figured out how your Dad has put up with your Mom for so long…
GET THIS MAN A BEER. MORE LIKE 12. TWELVE HUNDRED. Enroll him in a beer of the month club, download Saucey on his phone so he can survive, and send him at least a case each of each of the following: Kona Brewing Big Wave, Rolling Rock, and 21st Amendment. You can try to take him to lunch, but your mom will probably want to come too. So try to find an activity he can do alone and slip a giftcard in the bottom of one of these. To top it off, grab him some Not Your Father’s Root Beer, so when your mom complains about his new drinking hobby, he can switch to root beer and she’ll never know.
